THE COMPLICATED HEART

Have you ever struggled with a difficult relationship? Someone you were, or should have been, close to hurt you deeply. You hold on to this pain, or perhaps anger, as it eats away at your heart and robs you of joy. You hear that forgiveness is necessary and would even free you. But the thought of forgiving is inconceivable. You finally get to a moment when you think maybe, just maybe, it will all be okay then suddenly you feel slammed with more heartache.

Author Sarah Mae gets it. She's been there. She knows the pain, the anger, the confusion, the torment, the hopelessness. In her brand new book, The Complicated Heart, she shares personal stories of her relationship with her mom. Sarah is transparent as she tells of all she went through and all she overcame. As you read you will feel like you are sitting down having a deep and open conversation with a friend.

You will not only learn of Sarah's struggles, you’ll travel with her mom as well as you read her mom’s journal entries and letters. You’ll get a rare peek into that mind and heart the person who hurts us.

The Complicated Heart is a must read for anyone who has walked through the pain of a complicated relationship. To pick up your copy, click the banner below:

WE SAVED YOU A SEAT

Last month I shared with you the lovely Lisa-Jo Baker's new book Never Unfriended. Today I want to share with you a new companion resource to Never Unfriended. Dayspring and Lifeway have teamed up to bring us the We Saved You a Seat Bible Study. This 7 session study is all about finding and keeping lasting friendships. The Bible study is great to do on your own but even better to grab a few friends and do it together. As summer approaches, it is the perfect time to do a study with some friends or neighbors. Gather the kids to play in the sprinkler for an hour while you and your friends learn all about friendships.

In We Saved You a Seat, you will find that friendship takes...

showing up

vulnerability

encouragement

service

forgiveness

walking away wisely

action

See what Lisa-Jo has to say...

Friendship isn't always easy. And many aren't prepared for all that it takes. Lisa-Jo gives us wisdom and insight and she always points to Scripture.

Each week has the group session then 3 days of "homework." You will love the homework, and I promise, it won't really feel like homework! I love that there are only 3 days because it can be so easy to get behind. This allows for you to actually split it up into 6 days. Or strive for 3 days and use the other days to catch up if you are behind. Each day has a friendship challenge that help you dig deep. There are 7 video sessions to go with each week. In the video sessions you will find Lisa-Jo, Alia Joy, Deidra Riggs, Aliza Latta and Kristen Strong. They share real life experiences, humor and encouragement. You will feel like you are sitting at the table with them!

To pick up We Saved You a Seat, click HERE.

Here are some great products to go with We Saved You a Seat and Never Unfriended:

This We Saved You a Seat Bible Study Kit is great! I am all about mini bags and office supplies. The kit is perfect for the We Saved You a Seat Bible study and includes: 1 pouch, 20 inspiration cards, 2 sticky note flags, 1 sticker sheet, 2 mini-highlighters, and 1 washi tape.

This Conversation Start Jar is great! We've used this at home with our teens as well as I've used it with my ladies Bible study I lead. The questions really get everyone talking and sharing. Some questions are light and just for fun and some are deep and emotional. Pick up the Conversation Start Jar  for your home, ladies night out or Bible study group!

Whether friendship comes easy for you, you are shy and struggle to make friends, or you've been burned deep by an old friend, We Saved You a Seat and Never Unfriended are great tools. You will learn how to make lasting and true friendships and learn when it is healthy to walk away.





*Disclosure: I received this product for free in exchange for my honest opinion. All opinions are my own. Links on this page may be affiliate links. Thank you for supporting this ministry by using the affiliate links.

NEVER UNFRIENDED

Unfriended.

That word.

That button is so easy to hit. One tiny tap, and boom, you are unfriended. Several years back a friend was going through a major life change and decided to unfriend a group of people from her 'old' life. I was one. She had been one of my closest friends and the rejection hurt. Another time a friend decided that if I didn't unfriend a mutual friend who hurt her, she was going to unfriend me. And then there have been a few times I was unfriended and have no idea why. Did I say or do something to hurt or offend? Was there any way to save the friendship?

Yes, I am talking about social media, but I am also talking about real life. Being unfriended hurts.

As women we crave deep friendships and lasting connections, yet, making and keeping these relationships isn't always easy. We are afraid to put the work into really getting to know someone. Then when we do, we hurt each other. We get offended. We set high expectations that we want our friends to met, then when they don't, we disregard the relationship.

In her new book, Never Unfriended, Lisa-Jo Baker says, "Friends are hard work. Heck, people are hard work. There's no getting around it. The only way through is through. Through the knowing and the showing up and the forgiving and the laughing and the folding laundry together and the walking kids to school and the daring to do the ugly cry in front of each other."

Friendship is work. But when we put that work into it, when we do those hard times together, when we believe the best in our friends, when we commit our friends to daily prayer, the friendship is so worth it.

Lisa-Jo gives us the number 1 way to be a friend when she says, "This is the secret to finding and keeping lasting friendships: become women who want to see the women around them flourish." No more of this comparison stuff. No more of this competition. Let's look to see women do well, let's help them do well. Let's pray they flourish.

Never Unfriended is a must read! Lisa-Jo gets right to the heart of friendships. If you have ever been unfriended or if you are thinking of unfriending another, you will want to read Never Unfriended.

As an introvert, one thing I have struggled with in relationships is not always knowing what to say. How do I start a conversation? What do I say? What will we talk about? Dayspring has an amazing tool to help! The Conversation Start Jar is full 60 different questions to get your conversations moving. Some of the sample questions are: Extra $200 a day, or extra 2 hours a day? or What was your very first job? Not only do I plan to use the Conversation Start Jar with friends, but I am excited to utilize this tool in my women's Bible study group and at home with my kids.

Never Unfriended launches today so pick up your copy!

Dayspring is offering a special introductory offer April 5th-9th to get Never Unfriended for only $11.99 and get free shipping on both Never Unfriended and the Conversation Start Jar when you use the code FREESHIP.

CRAVING CONNECTION

Something you may not know about me, and probably cannot tell by social media, is that I am extremely shy. I love to be around people, actually I hate being alone. I am not a woman who enjoys alone time at all. If I have errands to run, I want my kids or husband or someone with me. Even if it is just one, quick errand. I am always hearing women say they dream of going to the grocery store alone, that it would practically feel like a vacation. Me on the other hand, I dread going to the grocery store alone.

However, just being around people is about it. I deeply struggle to strike up a conversation and at times even struggle to add to a conversation. Sometimes it is out of fear of not saying the right thing or fear of sounding stupid. And sometimes it's because I have nothing to say and don't know how to really create a conversation.

I deeply crave connecting with women. I think this is what God intended, for women to connect with one another, share with one another, encourage one another, and pray with one another. Yet, it just doesn't come easy for me.

In Bible times, I imagine women meeting at the well to swap recipes, share stories of the kids, encourage one another or just to have a connection with another adult female. Seventy-five years ago I can see women chatting over the backyard fence as they hung laundry out to dry or sitting with each other on a front porch. Fast forward to this year, and everything is social media, we connect through a screen. We don't know how to connect face to face or we fear the connection.

{in}Courage has a brand new book, available today, called Craving Connection: 30 Challenges for Real Life Engagement. Craving Connection is written by 30 different women who share their real life stories, practical tips and encouraging words on connecting with each other.

Jennifer Ueckert says, "We are at our best when we are walking together on this journey." Holley Gerth says, "We can't take the tension of life all by ourselves. We need to share it with others or we'll be pulled to pieces." And Lisa-Jo Baker reminds us that our story might just be someone else's life preserver.

One thing I deeply love about Craving Connection is each chapter comes with an engaging challenge, connection questions and a connection challenge. These precious ladies know how to get right into our hearts and draw us up and out as we learn to connect. What else I truly love about this book? These 30 women are real women. They aren't experts, counselors or even celebrities. They are real women, real wives, real moms, real sisters, real friends. They are all on this journey right beside us. And here, in this beautiful book, they have shared their own findings to give us hope and encouragement.

Craving Connection: 30 Challenges for Real Life Engagement is out today and I think this is a book every woman needs to read. Order by January 15th and get this beautiful mug for free. It says, "Two women met for coffee. When their mugs were empty- their hearts were full." How beautiful is that!

Dayspring has some incredible products that help us remember that we are loved and treasured and that encourage us to share with other women that they too are loved and treasured. Like this "Loved" wear one, share one necklace. It comes with 2 necklaces, one to keep as a reminder and one to gift to a friend. Other than "Loved," they are also available in "Grace," "Hope," "Brave," "Peace," and "Believe."

I love this Inspirational Clip Frame & Art Set. It comes with 25 Scripture and encouragement prints. You or your friend can switch the prints to fit what you need each day. It is a great way to memorize Scripture as well as to be encouraged.

There are many more products that encourage connection and friendship as well as remind us that we are loved, treasured and valued by God. To check out the full line, click the image below.

Grow In Your Relationships

Relationships can be hard. After all, we are different people trying to connect multiple worlds, multiple thoughts and multiple ideas. This is true for marriages, parenting, friendships, for any relationship. Yet, no matter how difficult relationships are, they are important. God didn't mean for us to do life alone.

After being married almost 18 years, I am still learning how to be married. After being a mom for over 17 years, I am still learning how to be a mom. After being a friend for many years, I am still learning how to be a friend. But one thing I have learned for sure is that each relationship is important in its own way and each one needs to be cherished.

One way I've learned to cherish my relationships is asking myself if it is worth it to fight to be right or fight over something insignificant and damage the relationship. Or is it better to keep my mouth shut and keep the relationship.

Sometimes being "right" isn't important at all. It's definitely not worth damaging a relationship or worse, losing it. My husband and I have learned to "pick our battles" with each other and our children. My 12 year old son used to have a rat tail. He did it because he thought it looked neat. And his hair curls when it gets long, so his little rat tail looked more like a curly piggy tail. Everyone around us continually commented negatively about it and asked when we were going to make him cut it. Well, the thing is, it's just hair. No, we weren't big fans of it. But it's hair! Hair, he really liked. If my son is making good grades, being respectful, doing his part in our family, why on earth would I worry about his hair!? Being right was not important. I specifically remember a time when my husband and I were on a drive and went through construction. He made a comment about the way the street was before. But I knew for a fact he was wrong. I had grown up close to this street and driven it hundreds of times. I knew that I knew that I knew I was right and he was wrong. But arguing the point with him, trying to prove I was right, where would that get me? No where. Being right was not important here either. I don't want to damage my relationships with the need to be right.

Author Susie Miller shares, in her new book Listen Learn Love, 3 important skills for developing your relationships. Skill #1 is listen. Now that may sound simple, but Susie goes into great depth here and teaches what it means to listen and how to not just hear, but listen. Skill #2 is learn them. To really learn about them. Learn what makes them them. Skill #3 is love them well. She teaches us how to truly love others and how to put them first.

Susie says:

For all our investments in career training, health, gym memberships, or financial futures, we often forget to invest in the most important and influential things in our lives: relationships.

If we can learn to truly listen to others, learn about others and love them well, we will improve all our relationships.






Linking with:
Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday

Your Tone of Voice Through the Screen

Email. Text. Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. The list goes on. I love it all! I love emailing, texting and social media {would that be social media-ing?}. But over the many years of using these outlets, I've learned one big lesson.

We cannot possibly hear the tone of voice or know the attitude it is presented with through a screen.

I've had more conversations than I care to count where I read something and took it wrong because I read it with the tone of voice and attitude that I assumed was being portrayed, even if it wasn't. I've sent messages that were wrongly received because the recipient read the tone of voice and attitude incorrect. My husband is currently dealing with this very thing over email. He read something probably in the tone it was not sent. Then he replied and it was read it the tone that it was not sent. And it just goes on and on.

It damages relationships. It hurts feelings. It causes bitterness. I've lost friends over this very thing. Sometimes due to my mistake and sometimes not. And sadly, often times when a relationship is damaged, it is too hard to fix.

Photo Credit

How can we be careful to project the right attitude and tone of voice through a screen?

• Be careful not to use all caps. This is known as yelling. Only capitalize what needs to be capitalized.
• I use smileys. A lot. :) It may annoy some people and some may think it's 'girly' or unprofessional. But I do it anyway. I want people to know that I am smiling when I am talking to them.
• Reread your message. Reread it several times even! If possible, have someone else read it. I often will have my husband, mom or 17 year old read something to make sure it sounds ok. Sometimes I get the thumbs up and sometimes I'm told it sounds rude. If someone close to you says it sounds rude to them, likely it will to the recipient too.
• Be careful not to be condescending. We all know what this is and how it sounds. Be careful not to do this. There is no reason for it. Ever.
• Read received messages without a tone or attitude. I struggle with this one sometimes. Don't jump to conclusions and read the message as if the person is attacking you. Try to read it void of emotion.
• You are in control of you. I told my husband this just today. You cannot control what someone says or how they say it to you. But you can control what you say and how you say it to them.
• Damage control. If someone is hurt or upset by something you've said, pray first, then fix it immediately. That may mean you need to humble yourself and apologize, even if it is their fault for taking it wrong. Don't let your relationship slip away over a misunderstanding or miscommunication.
• Remember that not all things should be done over text, email or social media. There are just times when face to face or a phone call is best. Especially if it is a serious issue or a complicated issue. You can hash things out and deal with it without the back and forth and without risk of being misunderstood. If you need to talk with someone, it's best to just ask if you can call them or meet together. If someone sends you a message and you feel attacked, your reply needs to simply be, "Can we meet together to talk about this?"

What are other ways you are careful to project the right attitude and tone of voice through a screen? Have you had relationships damaged by this very thing? Share in the comments!

Linking with:
Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday

Let Me Help You Carry Your Burden

Numbers 11 tells us the story of Moses and the Israelites. The Israelites were tired of eating manna. They complained that they had their fill of meat and fruits and all they could want even while slaves in Egypt. Yet here in their "freedom" they were limited to a small amount of manna.

Moses was so tired of the complaining. He was just a man, yet he was in charge of all these people and all they did was fuss. Moses finally did the only thing he knew how to do. He prayed.

He asked the Lord, "Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease You that You put this burden of all these people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land You promised on oath to their ancestors? Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, 'Give us meat to eat!' I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how You are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me - if I have found favor in Your eyes - and do not let me face my own ruin."
Numbers 11:11-15

Media and Our Friendships

Join me over at Woman to Woman for a Marriage Monday!

I can honestly say I love social media when it comes to friendships.  Being in the ministry, and life in general really, you occasionally get moved to new churches or towns, in some cases even new states or countries.  It is so wonderful to be able to stay connected with friends even though you are no longer down the street from them, or see them at church twice a week.  I love getting on Facebook and seeing what my sweet sisters are up to or how their precious children are growing.

Through social media I have also been very blessed to 'meet' new people from all over the world.  How incredible it is to connect with someone on the other side of the USA and even the other side of the world!  I have made new and wonderful friends through social media.

What do they really mean?

Though social media is good for friends to stay in touch, it can also put a strain on the relationship.  When someone texts, tweets, Facebooks, etc, it is hard, nearly impossible, to tell the 'tone of voice' being used.  You can say something in a joking way, but it is offensive to the other person.  I have read many status updates on Facebook and wondered if they were talking about me.  I go over in my head everything that was said and done and if I did something wrong.  Maybe they were not talking about me or maybe they were just joking.  It is so hard to tell when you are not actually speaking with the person face to face.

Choose your words wisely when posting.

When we post something online, it is out there for everyone.  If your Facebook page was put on the screen at church this Sunday, would you be embarrassed? Ashamed?  Run and hide?  If you are not comfortable with your entire church and the pastors seeing every status update, comment and photo, then maybe you should not be posting it.

Make time for face to face.

Social media is great to keep connected, but there is nothing like face to face! Though it is great to Facebook and text my dear friends, I miss seeing them. Recently we were able to spend the entire weekend with good friends after not seeing them for awhile.  It was so wonderful to reconnect with them face to face.  I was also so very excited when my sweet sisters asked me to meet them for lunch this week so we could catch up.  Did I mention I miss them?  So while you should enjoy keeping up with your friends on social media, try getting together for coffee or play dates often.  Social media should be used for those in between times.  Make it a point to get together with friends.  We all need each other.

Sweet Blessings~