Your Tone of Voice Through the Screen

Email. Text. Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. The list goes on. I love it all! I love emailing, texting and social media {would that be social media-ing?}. But over the many years of using these outlets, I've learned one big lesson.

We cannot possibly hear the tone of voice or know the attitude it is presented with through a screen.

I've had more conversations than I care to count where I read something and took it wrong because I read it with the tone of voice and attitude that I assumed was being portrayed, even if it wasn't. I've sent messages that were wrongly received because the recipient read the tone of voice and attitude incorrect. My husband is currently dealing with this very thing over email. He read something probably in the tone it was not sent. Then he replied and it was read it the tone that it was not sent. And it just goes on and on.

It damages relationships. It hurts feelings. It causes bitterness. I've lost friends over this very thing. Sometimes due to my mistake and sometimes not. And sadly, often times when a relationship is damaged, it is too hard to fix.

Photo Credit

How can we be careful to project the right attitude and tone of voice through a screen?

• Be careful not to use all caps. This is known as yelling. Only capitalize what needs to be capitalized.
• I use smileys. A lot. :) It may annoy some people and some may think it's 'girly' or unprofessional. But I do it anyway. I want people to know that I am smiling when I am talking to them.
• Reread your message. Reread it several times even! If possible, have someone else read it. I often will have my husband, mom or 17 year old read something to make sure it sounds ok. Sometimes I get the thumbs up and sometimes I'm told it sounds rude. If someone close to you says it sounds rude to them, likely it will to the recipient too.
• Be careful not to be condescending. We all know what this is and how it sounds. Be careful not to do this. There is no reason for it. Ever.
• Read received messages without a tone or attitude. I struggle with this one sometimes. Don't jump to conclusions and read the message as if the person is attacking you. Try to read it void of emotion.
• You are in control of you. I told my husband this just today. You cannot control what someone says or how they say it to you. But you can control what you say and how you say it to them.
• Damage control. If someone is hurt or upset by something you've said, pray first, then fix it immediately. That may mean you need to humble yourself and apologize, even if it is their fault for taking it wrong. Don't let your relationship slip away over a misunderstanding or miscommunication.
• Remember that not all things should be done over text, email or social media. There are just times when face to face or a phone call is best. Especially if it is a serious issue or a complicated issue. You can hash things out and deal with it without the back and forth and without risk of being misunderstood. If you need to talk with someone, it's best to just ask if you can call them or meet together. If someone sends you a message and you feel attacked, your reply needs to simply be, "Can we meet together to talk about this?"

What are other ways you are careful to project the right attitude and tone of voice through a screen? Have you had relationships damaged by this very thing? Share in the comments!

Linking with:
Woman to Woman's Word Filled Wednesday

I Told My Son I Didn't Want To Tuck Him In

It had been a long, long week. Just coming home from vacation and trying to get back in the rhythm of things. Then add a busy weekend of volleyball tournaments into the mix and we were all tired. Extremely tired.

Attitudes were running high. Everyone was whining, me included. And nothing was going right.

Then it happened.

My son had showered. He was clean and fresh. Yet his jammies, only worn a couple of nights, smelled, according to him. In all his 11 year old boy wisdom, that called for cologne. Not fresh jammies. So he goes in, way past bedtime mind you, and gets his dad's cologne and sprays it. Now, my son loves cologne. So I am not talking a single spray. I am talking I could suddenly smell it across the house. I go in to see what is going on and our attitudes fall apart. I was not nice to him and he was disrespectful to me. I told him to just go to bed.

Then I told my son I didn't want to tuck him in.

What was I thinking!? I tuck my kids in every single night no matter what. I always have. Even my teenagers. I always go in, kiss them on the check, tell them how much I love them and tuck them in. My kids know this is important to me. I believe it is important to them too, they just may not know it yet. And I told him I didn't want to do it. My heart breaks at the memory of it.

Because of our attitudes, his response was, "Good. I don't want you to," as he stomped off to bed. Then the magnitude of what I said hit me like a ton of bricks and I wanted to cry and never stop.

I did the only thing I could do. I breathed a prayer seeking forgiveness from Daddy God then I went in to my son. I reached down, kissed his cheek and told him that I was sorry I said that and that I loved him so much. He mumbled an I love you back.

Moms are human. Moms will mess up.

The key is to admit our mistakes, to God and to the one we wrong. Even if it is your children. Our children need to know that when we mess up, we fess up. They need to know that we, as parents, apologize too. When our kids do wrong, we want them to apologize and make it right. We need to set the example and do the same.

Have you said something hurtful to your child? Apologize. Explain to them that sometimes mom messes up. And tell them how much you love them and that you never stopped. Then give yourself grace.

**For the extended article, see the Woman to Woman Magazine Winter 2014 issue. Click HERE.

Your Attitude vs God's Attitude

Click HERE to enter the giveaway for a signed copy of Easter Is About Jesus.

Does your attitude reflect Christ?

Sweet Blessings~

 

Linking with:

Into The Beautiful 

Titus Tuesday  

On Your Heart Tuesday 

Soli Deo Gloria

Teach Me Tuesday

Hear it on Sunday, Use it On Monday
Living Well Wednesday

Word Filled Wednesday  

Works For Me Wednesday

A Beautiful Challenge

Yesterday I received a message from one of my bloggy friends, Melissa from Beautiful Mommy Feet.  She told me about a comment someone left on her blog that really challenged her.  In turn, she is challenging others to step up and join in.

I checked it out.  I was convicted.  I was challenged.

Sometimes we get so frustrated or bored over doing the same tasks over and over.  I mean, seriously, does the laundry pile ever end!?  We get tired of hearing the same story over and over.  Doesn't this child remember she told me this same thing just an hour ago!?  Or we get tired of putting up with the rude neighbor.  Why can't he leave us alone!?

Are we not loving with the love of Christ?

I have shared before that I struggled with yelling and that God delivered me but that mean mom still tends to come out on occasion.  My family deserves the best me I can be.  They do not deserve to be treated poorly just because I didn't sleep well last night.  My husband doesn't deserve to be bombarded with problems just because the kids acted up today.  My family deserves better.  And this is not just about yelling.  So even if you are the very calm laid back mom who does not raise her voice, you can still join us.

Are we not loving with the love of Christ?

I imagine those little children Jesus called to sit with Him (Matthew 19) probably told Him stories over and over or tapped Him repeatedly on the arm.  And I really think Jesus loved it!  He probably couldn't get enough of it.

I want to love with that love.  I want to serve with that heart.  I want to be like Christ.

Here is Melissa's challenge:

I want to Love. I want to be patient no matter what side of the bed I wake up on. I want to speak grace towards my husband at all times, even when he's calling while the house is on fire (fig.) I want to have grace in my tone.

I want to be grateful in plenty and in want. I want to go out of my way to romance my husband, not settling for the convenient.

I want to go out of my way to stop and listen to my son as he tells me how he slayed the dragon or had his monkey climb a tree for the thousandth time that day. I want to be thankful and mindful that he really wants to talk to me and I need to have him know his words are precious to me.

I want to speak grace with my daughter. I want to show her how to love by loving her, how to treat others with kindness by displaying kindness towards her, at all times. Not giving into my temper.

I want to show my children how to be patient by being patient with them. I want to teach them how to be grateful by being grateful. I want to teach them that Joy is something you work on. I want to teach the bible to them everyday.

She also quotes:

"I want to love better, without selfish ambition or vain conceit. To serve, to give, to unload and load the dishwasher a thousand times in a row. To empty the garbage at 9:38pm without a negative thought. To get up to lock the doors or turn down the thermostat. To sweep and dust and as I work, allow myself to be renewed and refined and put back into my rightful place – below the ones I love. I want to love like Christ." -Heather Boersma

I so love this challenge.  I want this.  I want to show the love of Christ to my family as well as others.  Are you with us?  Will you step up and be the love of Christ?  Lisa Bevere says, "God is not looking for people to act like Christians.  He wants people to be Christians (Christ-like)."

This challenge has already presented itself to be a, well, challenge to me.  But I am willing to press on.  When things start to wrong, when the kids are asking you for a drink for the tenth time in the last five minutes, when your spouse is tired and a little cranky, when the neighbor is being rude, can you step up and show the love of Christ?

Sweet Blessings~


The winner of the three Christian dvd pack is  Sharrellleigh (Sha'rrell)!  Congrats!  Please email me at metzgersix@gmail.com.   


Linking with:
Brag on God Friday

Hurt Feelings and Gentle Words

I am blessed with four amazing children.  I also have two precious nieces and five sweet nephews that are like my own children.  I love all them dearly.  I may have given life to four children, but I love and claim eleven and would lay my life down for each of them.

This week I had my feelings hurt.  Someone did something that I did not think was right and hurt not only me, but other members of my family as well.  I don't like it when someone comes between me and one of my eleven kids.  Or hurts one of my eleven.

I was angry.  I was hurt.  I desperately wanted to lash out.  I felt I had every right to be harsh.  Someone hurt my family.

That's when God reminded me:

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

My mom always told us that it was not wrong to be angry.  She even told me as a little girl that I could be angry at her.  It's what I did with the anger that matter.  Had I used my anger this week to lash out and hurt others, the problem would have escalated into something far worse.  Instead, by giving it to God, filling up with His joy and using gentle words, I was able to obey Him and not add to the problem.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

When someone does us wrong, it is hard to remain calm, forgive and be gentle towards them.  But that is exactly what God wants.  Lean on Him and fill up with His joy and compassion.  When your feelings are hurt, be gentle.

Sweet Blessings~